First First

September 6, 2011 in Back to School, Blake, Preschool - 5 Comments
Today marked Blake’s first first day of school.

I have been anticipating this day for a while now. I have really looked forward to our time apart because of the tension we’ve been having this year. I have been eager for Blake to experience the structured social learning aspects of preschool. I have craved more structured and organized days. I have longed for individual quality time with Nash.
Some days I have thought, this day can’t come fast enough.
So, I was surprised when the tears welled up when I dropped Blake off at school today. I didn’t expect to miss him like crazy for the three hours he was away. I didn’t realize how quiet the car would sound without Blake overpowering every noise that Nash made. I didn’t know that I would wake up every hour last night with nervous anticipation. I didn’t realize how much it would make my heart break when Blake expressed that he was scared to leave me.

I didn’t know that I would have a panicked feeling of letting go.

I kept wondering what Blake was doing at preschool and wishing I could be alongside him, soaking up every detail of discovering the classroom routine for the first time. I imagined what conversations he was having and what projects he was working on (and crossed my fingers that he was remaining accident-free). Every time I thought about how much fun he must be having, a huge smile spread across my face. Because I knew that he was in such good hands.

We went to his preschool orientation last week and I couldn’t have felt more confident with the school and teachers we chose. Knowing that Blake was on cloud nine eased a lot of my worries.

And at least I knew he’d have a good story to share with his new friends about our ER visit yesterday.

Even though this change is bittersweet, I think preschool is going suit Blake quite well.


  • Yukiko September 7, 2011 at 1:52 am

    Yay for milestones! But what happened at the ER?

  • House on Tufton September 7, 2011 at 2:07 am

    I also would like the ER story but I hope Blake had a great First First Day!

  • Stephanie September 7, 2011 at 4:10 am

    Awww, he looks so grown up and handsome! Love the thoughtful expression. At least he gave you something different to work with besides the "surprised" expression he usually does. Or is it scared?

    I can't wait to hear about his first day. And another ER visit? Oh man, we need to talk!

  • Amber September 8, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    yeah… you gonna leave us hanging about the er???

    he looks so super cute and grown up being at preschool!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Steph H September 9, 2011 at 9:48 pm

    Can't wait to hear how it's going! I could empathize with every emotion you described. When it's other people's kids I always think, oh that's not a big deal. But as I was reading your emotions I thought of what it would be like if it were my own girls and I think I'd feel the same way. If they said they were scared to leave me I might be tempted to just take them home and try again next year. I'm proud of you for letting him go/grow.

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